What you have had the wondrous fortune of stumbling upon, my humble friend, is a series of opinions the likes of which the world will probably never see. But are almost 100% true some of the time. How lucky you must feel.
Obama is going to save everybody from everything
6/11/08
My radio station of choice is the BBC World Service. Since the biggest thing that has happened recently is of course the election of Senator Barack Obama to the office of President of the United States of America, that's the primary theme of much of their programming. However, the way in which people are talking about him, they seem to expect his mere election to solve all race problems. Given he hasn't even appointed a cabinet yet, this seems unlikely. What is actually going to happen is he is going to solve all problems by doing the following things:
1. He will personally give food to all Africans.
2. He will stop racism by punching all racists in the face until they die.
3. He will give money to all poor people without causing inflation, thus solving the global economic crisis.
4. He will put Supernanny out of business by doing her job but better and using less weight.
5. He will cure cancer.
6. He will cure HIV.
7. He will cure Palin of whatever the hell it is that makes her so fucking stupid.
8. He will stop the oppression in the Middle East by sending in Dutch businessman to get all the radical Imams blow-jobs and give them enough weed to fill a barn.
9. He will hire Russell Brand to phone Kim Jeong-Ill and talk about Mr Kim's granddaughter so it's the last thing he hears before he dies since it's the next-best thing after actually installing a working democracy.
10. He will send Stone Cold Steve Austin to install a two-state solution in the Middle-East and then, when he's done, give him a "hell yeah!".
11. He will get me laid by sleeping with me.
12. He will turn all world leaders gay in order to stop homophobia.
13. He will make Richard Dawkins the governor of all Bible belt states.
14. He will have the idiot who created the Crazy Frog tried for crimes against humanity.
15. He will never die.
As you can see, these are just a small snippet of the things he will achieve (or perhaps has already has). You should be glad Obama was elected.
Things That Have Inspired Me/I Ripped Off