Gay bishops vs. not-so-gay bishops...FIGHT!
22/6/08
Let's face it, the word 'gay' is hilarious. It somehow implies that if you like to have men penetrate your anus with their penises and then return the favour, you will somehow be happier. Which you admittedly will be if you're a gay man. (Unless you got raped but then God hates you for things you probably did in a past life. It's been proven like God.) Still, it greatly amuses me when gays and Christians have to acknowledge each other.
When I talk about 'Christians' I, of course, don't mean the Christians that I know. They're a pretty moderate bunch who wouldn't bat an eyelid at a man doing another man bent over a table, donkey or even a parapet. Unless they owned the table, donkey or parapet but then even I'd be annoyed if two men were trying to demolish a table, donkey or parapet that I owned by having sex on it. And I'm only homophobic when I'm feeling uncomfortable with my sexuality.
Apparently, some Anglicans (a type of Christian) are angry because some other Anglicans have said that they don't mind if bishops, leaders of Anglicans, like to take it up the backside. They've even ordained one. Now, I couldn't give a toss if Anglican bishops are into man-love but conservative Anglicans are a little less comfortable with members of their particular group of God-botherers bothering each other in a way that may or may not have been prohibited in The Bible. For ease of reference I will heretofore refer to them as gays and not-so-gays.
As it turns out, the Anglican church is looking at a split. Dr Rowan Williams, Archbishop Of Canterbury, who had previously said that he wanted to put Britain under sharia law and legalise forced arranged marriages, has said as much. (Well, actually he didn't say that at all but lots of people claimed he did and who am I to question random second-hand sources spuriously quoted in the media.) This would result in the formation of two seperate churches, one liberal and one conservative. It seems like a good idea as these schools of belief appear, on the surface of it at least, fairly irreconcilable.
I, however, think this is a poor idea and am greatly surprised that bosses at ITV and Channel 4 haven't seen the potential in terms of reality TV. Rather than try and form two seperate organisations, why not put the leader of the gays and the leader of the not-so-gays in a cage and, use rules from any popular Mixed Martial Arts competition, to decide who's right. Hell, if they gay one wins, why not let him sexually abuse the other one? After all, God will be on the side of the victor and it will finally settle the debate as to whether God would have in fact been OK if Jesus had turned out to swing the other way. It'd be a turn out for a books if Jesus and Peter were actually in a homosexual relationship.