Whining in hospitals needs to be banned
23/8/08
A little while ago I dislocated my shoulder. It hurt. I had to have it operated on. A few weeks after the op, I had to see the consultant for a review. Whilst sitting in the waiting room, I listened to somebody whine about having to wait because they'd been there for ages. They desperately needed to shut the fuck up.
Some patients in the NHS seem to be under the impression that they have to have things done on the NHS if they can't afford private healthcare. Idiots - there's a perfectly good third option. Just don't go to hospital and die. After all, if sitting in a hospital waiting room is bothering you so much, just go home. You won't have to suffer the indignity of waiting those extra couple of hours to be seen. No doubt you had a busy day of sitting ahead of you anyway.
It is an option that I feel not enough patients take as it would reduce waiting lists and make waiting rooms more pleasant places to be. Although the waiting room in the clap clinic is always a fun place to be. Like a STI fairground.
As such, I propose introducing a ban on all people complaining about having to wait for treatment on the NHS. If you're in a hospital, stop complaining. You're in a free hospital. In the USA, they'd have said:
Hospital: You cut off your little finger?
Patient: Yes. I'm a fireman and I was trying to free someone who was stuck after a car accident. I cut off my finger whilst using the machinery to cut her free.
H: Well that was careless. It'll be $10,000 (£5405.11) to sew it back on.
P: I don't have $10,000.
H: What's that? You don't have the money? Well we can keep it in cold storage for you. That'll be $100 (£54.05) a day
P: I don't have £100 a day.
H: Oh. Well, you could keep it in your freezer.
P: Will that work?
H: I'm afraid you'll have to pay me for that sort of advice. That'll be $50 for a consultation.
P: Thanks. I'm glad the state spent money on invading Iraq instead.
OK, that last bit was a bit of a cheapshot. Satirising the American government for invading Iraq and for that matter making fun of George Bush is the comic equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel. The point I'm trying to make is if you're British, you're pretty damn lucky to live somewhere which actually has a state-funded healthcare system. If you're going to complain about it in my presence, I'm going to cut your tongue out with a spoon and then make you swallow it. I would just cut your tongue out but that's a further burden on the NHS and killing you is so much more efficient.
People need to stop being such whiny little twats. If you don't like it, don't use it. Nobody's forcing you to and you'd do everybody else a favour by just fucking off.